We talk about thriving with chronic illness. I’ve been in the hospital since Friday. Today, my mom commented on the way I handle these situations and I wanted to reflect on it. I keep a lot to myself.
People don’t even think I’m dealing with serious health concerns because of how I look but at times I do break down. I go through it too.
The first night I was here, my mom sat in the ER with me for over 10 hours. When they said it wasn’t safe for me to go home, I felt overwhelmed. I harassed my mom to leave me and I cried. I cried because of the not knowing what would come next and the last time was so serious that my first thoughts were of anger. I didn’t want to misguide any of that at my mom and just wanted to be alone.
The vasculitis (Wegeners Granulomatosis / ANCA) was active and I didn’t know. This condition can literally kill and it almost killed me in 2017 when it caused my kidneys to rapidly fail. This time, my lungs were being affected again.
Something I’ve learned through all of this is that this is temporary. When I say this, I mean life- all of it. I’ve learned that I have a choice. I could sit here and cry all day that I’m experiencing uncontrolled internal bleeding that could kill me or I could research, read, learn, smile & focus on my vision and dreams. I get to choose and I made a choice a couple years ago.
A lot of things in life like chronic illness, dialysis & general difficulties can make us forget that we have a choice and are choosing. So, today and everyday, I choose thoughts of wealth, health & joy over all of it. I choose not to be distracted because I know there is more for me. I know there’s more for us if we choose it.
What will you choose to focus on? I won’t say I’m fine but I can and will say, “I’m here.” - Tamika, CEO, From Mother’s Garden ☀️